Just keep swimming....

Barely floating

robbing peter to pay paul

this has become our new life since I began school.

I have no energy

I'm always exhausted

The house is a wreck

I'm doing to best that I can, or am I?

Why can't I just push through the exhaustion?

Irrational thoughts of how I'm supposed to be supermom,

where is she, this supermom?

She doesn't yell

She doesn't have piles of laundry

She doesn't have piles of bills, praying they can be paid

She doesn't have dirty dishes stacked on the counter

Her superman isn't exhausted because he's trying to help her

Her superman doesn't have to help, she's supermom

Funny thing is

Supermom doesn't exist.

We as women beat ourselves to hell and back

because we aren't perfect, our kids aren't perfect,

our home isn't always sparkling

and we're not always perky with our hair and makeup always on.

I hope my kids are happy.

I know we're going to make it through this, we will.

We have to.

I can't wait for the day that I won't have to miss a baseball game

to study.

I can't wait for the day to take them out to practice

or whip up a treat (last minute) for school

without worrying about a test.

This is a test for our family.

I always pray that we're making the right decisions.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah....

So I understand that I'm a complete failure at blogging.

But, I'm ok with that!

I was thinking today that I pray my children have a passion that they want to persue. I never found that passion until I was 24 and then had the opportunity to persue it when I was 28.

It is very exhausting persuing a dream when you have 3 boys, a husband, a home, and still have to work to pay bills.

I know it's going to be rewarding in the end- and I do see the light at the end of the tunnel.

What I really hope that my children will, one day, see the hard work and determination that I put into persuing this dream and use it to fuel their fire of passion.

That being said I need to now leave to pick up Cole from school, and then attempt to work on my final research paper for English Comp II. Yay :)

Over a Year!

Wow..it has really been a year since I've posted.

That's sad.

Well, that's also what happens when you have to live life!


First and formost, I hate to announce that my grandma had passed away June 1st, 2009. Then in February my uncle passed away suddenly in a car accident. All within 8 months, my mom lost her mom and her brother. God bless her, she's hanging in there.

Now on lighter notes:

Family updates:

Me- I started my first semester of school on June 1st of last summer. I've completed 7 classes so far within this year with a 4.0 (apparently I'm doing better than last time!!).
We became pregnant with our third son in July, had him on April 13th in my third c-section.
Introducing Nathan Todd. He was 6lbs 15oz, and 18 1/2 inches long


My friend Stacy took those adorable pictures of Nathan! *She also has been calling me out several times because I'm slacking on my blog!!

Carl is doing well. He has only fought in 2 fights within the last 2 years and is 1-1 (the 'loss' was by decision not a KO thank goodness). He has found a different employer, who is wonderful. Only problem is, is that he took a $3/hr pay cut which hurts a bit.


Owen is doing great. He's going to be 8years old July 25th! I know- I can't believe it either!! He completed 2nd grade, but we've decided to have him repeat 2nd grade due to his maturity level. He's definitely bright enough, it's the paying attention and not worrying about what everyone else is doing that's the problem! He just finished his 3rd season of baseball and is doing awesome. Owen decided to not play football this year and to wrestle instead, which with his small stature I think will be great for him


Cole is getting so big! He'll be 4 years old July 6th (just a couple weeks!) and will start preschool in the fall. *sniff* He's not my baby anymore!! He is definitely going to be my rough and tumble ladies man. He's a riot!


All in all, we're doing well. It was a rough transition coming home from the hospital for me though. My OB and I decided that I was to start on an antidepressant for PPD (postpartum depression) the last trimester of the pregnancy- which we did. I honestly thought that this would alleviate quite a bit of the depression.

It did not.

I went a holy mess at home with myself. I was fighting with myself on the quality of my care for the kids, my husband, and the house. I basically was beating the hell out of myself for stuff you really shouldn't worry about when you bring a newborn home.

My OB and I switched my antidepressant, and now I'm speaking with someone to help with the crazy talk in my head. I'm seeing someone for the fact that I don't want to be on antidepressants forever- but need to take care of the crazy talk in my head so it doesn't come back and bite me in the rear.



If you made it through all this jumble...good for you!! *You get a gold star!

I'm going to make more of an effort to continue this blog for purposes of my sanity!

*I'll get back to you on that star ;)

It's been waaay toooo long!!

Yes, it has.

Sorry I've been gone, but that whole 'life' thing kinda got in the way.

Well, how about a update on everyone...just to make sure that I haven't lost or misplaced any of them!

Carl: (hubby) Is good. Job is going alright, if working more hours for less pay is alright. (yes, that's sarcasim.) His boss is super nice, but the whole situation just sucks.
He has his next MMA fight this friday. *eeek* I know, the nerves are kicking in. Anyone have an extra xanax they would care to spare?

Owen: He finishes school on June 4th. (oh, lordy...I pray for patience) He started baseball, and is quite the ham! He is the smallest one on the team (once again), but he's quite the powerhouse! I asked him to stop growing...yeah, he told me he can't. (kid's too smart sometimes!)

Cole: Is a hysterical little crazy man. No, really. He's funny as hell, but insanely crazy. He loves hitting on the ladies (who can't say no to that cute little mug?!), jumping off of things pretending he's 'spidey man'. Oh, yeah...we're going to be venturing into potty training land here soon. Oh, joy.

Me: Yeah, I'm here. Barely. Work is sucking major monkey balls like normal. I actually completed course one of a cake decorating class at Joann Fabrics (oh, yeah...I'm a wannabe Martha). I start school on June first. I'm scared shitless. Yes and no, really. I'm scared that I'm going to screw it up again (like I did 10 years ago, holy shit! did I really just say 10 YEARS AGO?!?!)
My grandma's not doing so hot. She lives in Oklahoma, so my mom's going down this saturday. I'm afraid that this will be the last mother's day she'll be here. My mom's already so upset, and I almost don't want her to take this trip. I'm afraid that it will break her. *sigh*

So that's the update. Sorry that I haven't been around, I really haven't been motivated to do much lately. I'm going to try and do atleast one post a week.

Thank you all (*cough* Jaci) for checking on me!

*and I'll stay away from the light!

Optimism

Tiffany is having a fun time with Mr. Linky today. Optimism pays she says.

Optimism does pay. It puts a positive spin on about anything. Being optimistic also helps you stay a bit healthier.

When I was younger (before kids basically) I just flew by the seat of my pants. I was selfish, negative, energetic, crazy, and basically didn't give a shit.

Then I got pregnant with Owen.


My life changed. I had to grow up. With having children, you need to be optimistic.

Hoping for the best, hoping that you'll raise this tiny baby to be somewhat human.

Hoping to make it through the night with a screaming little guy.

Hoping he'll do alright when he goes to school.

Then hoping he'll be a good big brother.


Hoping they'll get along.


Optimism in my little world is thinking today will be a good day.

Owen will have a good day at school.

Cole will have a good day with me.

Carl will have a great day at work.

Optimism is needed everyday. You need to wake up thankful that your kids have working lungs to wake you.

I'm thankful for my family and optimistic that we'll all turn out wonderful.

(I don't know how much more wonderful I can become, but you get the idea)

Dear Clueless Stupid Woman,

You excused yourself as you carelessly crossed my path as I'm trying to put my kiddie cart back into the 'cart corral'. That's fine. Until I see that you were the one parked right beside me.

You parked on my passenger side, 12 inches from my passenger side. Now you may not see what the problem is. You had plenty of room to exit and re-enter your car with no problem. Now for me, there's a huge problem. When you park that close to one's car, you leave very little room for a MOTHER to put her CHILD in their car seat. Now I could've barely squeezed my size 14 rear end through that open space.

Oh, how I cursed you under my breath as I climbed through the driver side back door and across the middle seat. Then to maneuver a 2 year old boy into his car seat, I was definitely heated.

So as I noticed that you were the stupid woman who parked so close to my car, I thanked you.

My exact words were "Thank you for parking so close, because I didn't have enough room to get my child in his seat". I believe your response was "Whatever".

Really? 'Whatever'? You look to be 26, maybe 27 years old. Dressed in your lovely dress pants, high heals, makeup perfect, and that's the best you could come up with?!

I hope that you realize that I truly didn't mean it when I proceeded to tell you that I hope your car got hit today. Well, maybe a little, but not enough to hurt you. Just enough to let you know that karma's a bitch.

And now I believe karma's going to come and bite me right in my ass.

Stupid woman.

You Can Call Me Satan.

Yes. I'm Satan.


At least I feel like Satan.

I woke up feeling completely and totally EVIL.

No, it's not that time.

I think it's a mixture of trying to run a household, raise to boys, work full time, and then figure out how I'm going to throw school into the mix.

Yup. I'm a bit worn out.

I feel awful when I feel like this.

I yelled at the boys this morning a bazillion times (hubby had to work EARLY so I had them all to myself).

Now I have Aladdin on for Cole so I can have some 'me' time on the computer.

I bit Carl's head of a few dozen times this morning before he left. Then cursed his name when I found out he did NOTHING last night while I was at work. The load of laundry I put in the wash, still there this morning.

*sigh*

He helps quite a bit around the house, but not when I need it the most. Know what I mean?

I'll be better tomorrow. This is how I am when there's no freaking sunshine in Ohio.

I need me some freaking sunshine.

Have a nice day.

Yes, I'm still Satan.